Are you the kind of person who hates making decisions? I am. How can I do what I think is the right thing without upsetting someone else? You see, I dislike upsetting people, so making a decision that I know people won't like, especially if they are related to me, is very difficult. Despite those feelings, I have made many decisions over my years of parenting that have upset my children, that's for sure. Having clear-cut steps to making a decision has definitely helped make the process easier. The fallout, however, isn't always easy to take.
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As a mother, we have to make so many decisions every day. I've made thousands of decisions, but if you ask my kids which ones they remember the most, getting rid of the Disney movies will rank at the top. Yes, in one fell swoop, I actually got rid of all of our Disney movies. To me it was a matter of "cleaning house". For them it was a life-altering event.
So how do you make decisions without scarring your children for life? Better yet, how do you make decisions that you don't feel guilty for making, knowing that not everyone will like them?
The 4 Step Decision Making Process
Gather the Information
Obviously you cannot make a good decision without gathering as much information as you can about the subject at hand.
In the case of the movies, I had reached my limit with the time spent watching the movies and the space they were taking up in our day and in our house. I also had heard things about Disney not really being family friendly at the time. During one purging episode, I began thinking about all of this gathered information.
Consult With Others
There are probably other people who will be impacted by this decision; make sure to consult with them first.
Take your information to your spouse (definitely) and your kids (maybe) and have a discussion. Use the information gained as part of your decision making process.
If this decision only impacts you, you can skip this step. Unless, of course, you'd like some feedback from others to help you.
This is the step I really didn't take into consideration when disposing of the movies. Ultimately this was my decision, but had I known the lasting impact it would have on them, I'm sure we could have come to a compromise. Maybe only certain movies would have gone.
Take Your Decision Making Process to Prayer
Prayer is the backbone of your life as a mom, or at least it should be. If you have an important decision to make, you should definitely be taking it before the Lord.
I really believe that this is a crucial step in making big decisions. Small ones, not so much.
This is also the step that gets missed on many secular lists.
It might be as simple as asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. It might be as complex as praying a novena, or even two, to make sure that the decision is the right one.
I didn't think the movie issue was a big deal, so I'm pretty certain I didn't spend too much time praying about this one. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't still be hearing about it. 🙂
Take Action
Once you've gathered all your information, consulted other necessary people and then taken it to prayer, it is now time to make your decision and take action.
Here's what I always tell people:
If you've followed these steps and prayed about your decision, then you've made the best decision you could make at that time with the information that you had.
Maybe new information becomes available later on. Perhaps you find out that your decision impacted others more than you thought it would (as I did). If that's the case, you still don't need to carry around guilt because when you made the decision you followed all of the steps and made the best decision you could with the information you had.
Don't Carry That Monkey Around
Being a mom is hard. The last thing you need to do is carry around guilt that doesn't need to be carried around. Follow these 4 steps to decision making and then let it go.
If you do make a mistake, apologize for hurting someone or for the impact your decision had. You don't need to keep feeling bad for making it, especially if you've taken it before the Lord.
Sometimes, or should I say a lot of times, the Lord works in mysterious ways. If a decision didn't work out the way you thought it would, look at the bigger picture. There might be a reason yet to be revealed why things went the way they did.
If you just can't let go of the guilt from a decision, go to Confession. Lay it all before the Lord and be healed. Carrying around guilt is a burden you don't need.