2018 was a year of change of us. In May of 2018 we had our 2nd and 3rd daughters both graduate from college, one of whom decided to stay out-of-state to work, and our oldest son graduate from high school. In June he decided that he would apply to Wyoming Catholic College and was accepted in July. August brought us to the wedding of our oldest child as well as the departure of our son. And while I might not be a homeschooling mom with an empty nest with four still at home, it did send me into a tail spin.
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All of a sudden I had kids in different parts of the country as well as a married daughter and a new son-in-law. Two of my daughters are at home working and my youngest two are still homeschooling, but adjusting to the new normal was not going well.
Let's face it. A huge difference between the regular empty nest syndrome and that of the homeschooling mom is that so much of our identity has been wrapped up in homeschooling. It's what we've done for forever. We have been with these kids for years, day in and day out, investing all we have into making sure they are learning. That's a huge chunk of our lives that we have dedicated to this mission.
Isn't This What we Dreamed Of?
It's so funny, really. When our kids are all little and the house is noisy and messy, we dream of the day that they will be gone and things will be quiet and clean. I've glimpsed that day and guess what, it isn't at all what I imagined it to be like.
The difference is that years have passed and the kids have grown and become more responsible. Things aren't as hard as they were before (well, in one sense, but that's for another post) because the kids became self-sufficient. What's more is that the relationship between mother and child developed, too. Now you're not just missing a child, you're missing a friend and companion. Someone grown-up that you can have really good conversations with.
Didn't Anyone See this Coming?
On top of that, I've been watching a bunch of my friends go through the same thing. Even though we all knew this day would be there, everyone seems to be looking around in a daze asking the same question, "What the heck do I do now?"
Seeing my friends unsure of what their future holds got me thinking. I have about four years left before this is my fate. Is there anything I can do now to prepare for that inevitable time when all of my kids are graduated and there is no one left to homeschool? What happens to the homeschooling mom when her nest is empty?
I realized, too, that it wasn't just my friends. In the homeschooling Facebook group I'm in, other moms were lamenting as well. People were asking the same thing, "How do I deal with this new phase in my life?"
A Homeschooling Mom's Plan for the Empty Nest
In order to head into the empty nest phase with a joyful heart, I think it will be imperative to have a plan. Yes, I'm all about plans, I know.
I realize that everyone's situation is different, so you'll need to modify accordingly, but here are some ideas I've had about where to start.
- When your last two children are in high school, start thinking about YOUR future.
- Jot down some ideas about what you are interested in or what you might like to do to earn money.
- Based on those ideas, is there anything you need to learn? If so, start learning it now. Take classes, learn online, talk to others, etc. For example, a friend of mine wanted to start a hobby farm so she began taking classes about plants and such.
- If you want to eventually volunteer or start something on your own, begin to learn about that process. If you have some free time, start volunteering now.
- Try a few different things out. You don't have to be stuck on one thing. Remember, you're still homeschooling, so this is just the trial phase.
- Talk to your spouse about what he sees for your future. Maybe he sees things and opportunities that you don't see.
- Most importantly, take some of your free time and deepen your prayer life. Take advantage of the quiet and delve deeper into your relationship with God.
Don't Wait for the Empty Nest to Strike!
The important thing is to start the process when you still have a few years of homeschooling left. Don't let this time sneak up on you, or bury your head in the sand, because one day it will be here and the emotions will take you by storm. Getting excited about something will help ease you into the time of change. It will make it easier on everyone as your kids and your husband will be happy to see you doing something you enjoy with your newfound freedom.
Are you at this phase in life? If so, how are you handling it? Are there any tips you have for dealing with it successfully? Please share your ideas with us!