How to Manage Overwhelm 

Overwhelm is a word that seems to be most commonly associated with homeschooling. But does it need to be?

It is actually possible to manage overwhelm in your life, in your family and in your homeschool.

All you need to do is to be able to recognize it when it shows up and then learn how to deal with it. Kind of like your kids, right? (lol)

The Root Causes of Overwhelm

Awareness is so key to understanding what happens when we feel overwhelmed. First though, let's look at a definition of overwhelm. According to January Donovan, The Woman School Founder,

"Overwhelm is the overpowering feeling of helplessness that we experience when we are faced with moments or seasons of high demand."

When we feel overwhelmed, we realize how many demands are being placed on us but we can't seem to prioritize them in our minds.

When this happens, we're not sure where to start to bring things under control. This confusion can then prolong and aggravate this feeling of helplessness. Thus the cycle begins.

Which cause can you relate to?

1. Irrational demands placed upon us by society. We are expected to have it all - the perfect home, family, body, job, etc. and we're expected to do it all on our own. Help is frowned upon. Comparison and competition abound. We feel guilty if we can't do it all and we're afraid of being judged.

While we can't do much to change these irrational demands, we can learn to recalibrate our expectations and rewire in our subconscious what is reasonable and possible for us.

2. Conditional self-worth. If we believe that our self-worth is dependent on our performance, or what kind of job or house we have, or whether our kids turn out ok, we are headed for stress and overwhelm. We can only carry on like that for so long because we are expecting perfection in all we do.

When things don't turn out perfect, we view ourselves as worthless and put more pressure on ourselves to perform better. Overwhelm then becomes the lay of the land. The good news is that we have control over this!

3. An untrained mind. Let's face it; our minds have not been trained to manage our priorities and pivot quickly in the face of overwhelm.

We need to know how to quickly look for a solution to the problem at hand so as to avoid problems stacking up and causing us to be overwhelmed and depleted. Your mind can be trained to be aware of problems and to look for solutions quickly.

4. Underdeveloped skills. Do you recall taking a class in high school or college about how to make and implement boundaries? How about one on making decisions? Or maybe how to manage a routine and prevent depletion? Nope? Me neither.

These are the kinds of skills we need when we are faced with moments and seasons of high demand. Guess what, though? These are skills you can learn and implement!

The 3 Types of Overwhelm

Being aware of the root causes will help you understand how to manage overwhelm.

But do you realize that not all overwhelm is bad, or something to be gotten rid of?

Say what???

That's right. Like during a time of transition, think new baby, new house, death of a loved one, new job, kids moving out, overwhelm is to be expected and is a sign that you're growing.

Staying in this state for prolonged periods of time is where the problem lies. And that brings us to the three different types of overwhelm.

It is so important to give language to these kinds of things because it helps us to be more aware of when they're happening, and that's what January Donovan has done in The Woman School. This is her language, I'm just here to teach it to you.

Which one is your companion?

The first type of overwhelm is one you're friendly with on a daily basis: Moments of High Demand. You know, you're trying to get out the door to make it to church on time and the phone rings, the baby needs a diaper change, no one knows where their shoes are and you can't find your keys. Phew. Even typing that makes me overwhelmed.

Next up we have Seasons of High Demand. Yes, that time after you just bought a new house and you have to still keep up with the family and the schedule, in addition to packing, moving, coordinating services, unpacking and handling any last minute catastrophes. You know this is going to be an extended time of overwhelm but, with planning, prayer and patience, you know that it will come to an end.

And finally, Habitual Compounding Demand. This is the one where you always feel overwhelmed, like there is no way out. This is the one that stresses your mind, body and spirit, as well as your marriage, family and friends. You need to avoid falling into this habitual demand at all costs. And if you're already there? You need to end the cycle.

The good news is that you can end it by changing your mindset and learning new skills!

But Then There are Limiting Beliefs

What exactly are limiting beliefs? Well, limiting beliefs:

• are thoughts and opinions that you believe to be true
• usually have a negative impact on your life
• will stop you from growing and moving forward
• compel your mindset to operate in a negative way
• stop you from managing overwhelm

Here are four common limiting beliefs in regard to overwhelm. See how many you hold.

1. Overwhelm is normal. You don't have to talk to too many moms before you notice that many of them believe this to be true. Social media and society tell us that being overwhelmed is to be expected if we engage in the world we live in, especially as a mother. This is not true! The only reason we can't manage our overwhelm is because we have never been taught how to. We can master the skills that will help us to do that and we will no longer be living a life of depletion and overwhelm.
2. I have to do everything myself. This belief is so rampant in our society today. I know at one point I felt this way, too. Having a large family, I felt that asking for help would show a sign of weakness, and people (ok, family) would tell me I shouldn't have had all those kids if I couldn't handle it. Practicing humility and learning the skill of delegation would have gone a long way to helping me let go of this limiting belief.
3. Overwhelm comes from responsibility. With this limiting belief, we believe that the more responsibility we have the more overwhelm there is to be expected. Makes sense, right? No it doesn't. If we continue to grow in skills like delegation, boundaries and keeping a routine, adding more responsibility doesn't have to equal overwhelm.
4. My overwhelm is other people's fault. Blaming other people for our lack of skills is never a good thing. While our children might be extra challenging at times, or our work or spousal relationships might be extra demanding, we cannot put the blame on others. We need to learn how to handle these moments and seasons of high demand and overwhelm so that it does not become a habitual state. We are all responsible for ourselves.

Meet your friend - the script

One way to help rewire your brain to get past these limiting beliefs, because mindset is crucial, too, is to use scripts.

Here are some sample scripts you could say when you are faced with one of the above beliefs. (Many of these came from our awesome strategists at The Woman School)

• I can focus and do the next right thing.
• I am a woman who does not allow the external to dominate or impact my internal peace
• I am a woman who is focused. There is enough time to do what needs to be done when I plan and prioritize
• I can do hard things
• I say no 95% of the time to protect my peace
• I am responsible for my boundaries
• I am quick to ask for help

Pick a few that resonate with you, or maybe even come up with some of your own, and then repeat them to yourself morning, noon and night. The repetition is what will make the change happen. 

Mindset and Skillset will help you Manage Overwhelm

And that's the truth. There's a lot here to take in, isn't there. Don't let it be overwhelming, because then that would defeat the purpose of this post!

I cannot emphasize this point enough: 

A negative mindset and a lack of skills will keep you in overwhelm, but learning how to shift your mindset (permanently!) and learning the skills you need to make your life run smoother will help you manage overwhelm. 

Will it take it away completely? No. That's just not realistic.

But if you have the tools you need to deal with it when it first shows up, your life will run much smoother and you and your family will be much happier. 

Do you Desire More Training on How to Manage Overwhelm?

Great! I can help. There are a few options I have that I'd be happy to tell you more about!

- The Managing Overwhelm Skillset Course - this 90 minute training will give you all the tools you'll need to manage the three different types of overwhelm.  You'll also:

• Learn how to assess your current state of overwhelm
• Create a vision of how you want your life to be
• Take action
• Have accountability to make sure you stay on the right track

The price for this course includes:

• 90 minute video training led by January Donovan
• 50 minute recorded Q&A session
• 38 page workbook
• A one hour strategy zoom call with me to answer any questions you have and help you build your own strategy to manage overwhelm

This investment in yourself is only $197 and will definitely change your life for the better!

Contact me if you are interested in this option!

Are you looking to invest in yourself even more?

If so, then YAY!

Sign up for the Wholeness Masterclass (formerly called The Art of Being a Woman Masterclass) and I will be your strategist to help guide you through, cheer you on and keep you accountable.

You can take the Wholeness Masterclass via:

1. Private Strategy - where we go through the 22 lessons 1 on 1 each week for 6 months
2. Group Strategy - where you join with other women to take this journey together

You can find out more about the Masterclass here. 

Then contact me and we'll set up a call so we can discuss which option is best for you. 

Making this investment in yourself will pay off in spades for your family and your homeschooling experience. I know because I have experienced it myself. My only regret is that I did not know about this class when all my kids were younger.

Contact me today so we can get started on a you that is WHOLE!