Many times, especially in today's social media world, we think we know what a family is like, but we are probably wrong. My advice to people who fall into this trap? "Don't wish you were someone else". I can guarantee that you are not seeing the entire picture. One day, a number of years ago, we had an incident that I have used many times since then to help people understand this very lesson.
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It was a beautiful day. We were headed to a pro-life Mass and rosary walk that a friend of ours had organized. There were 9 of us and we were asked ahead of time to bring up the gifts for the Mass. I have a thing for being coordinated as a family (as evidenced by the above picture), so we decided we would all wear red Polo shirts for Mass. Nothing makes a family look more united than matching shirts, right?
At the time, my oldest was around 15, which meant the youngest was about 2. Put five more kids in there, about 2 years apart, and you have the ages of the kids. Mass, at that point, was still a challenge. This day was no exception. The culprit of the day was my eldest son who was about 7 at the time. Old enough to know better, young enough not to care!
The Moment of Truth
At this moment I cannot remember what the issue was, but we were losing our patience with him fast. Knowing we still had to assemble and bring up the gifts, my husband and I were sweating it out. My son was the master of refusing to do something, so we were both anticipating his refusal to walk up with us.
Now I can look back and say, so what, let him sit it out. Then, it was a different story. We were wearing matching shirts, for goodness sake! He couldn't sit in the pew by himself while the rest of us and our red shirts brought up the gifts! Ugh.
We lined up at the back of the church and he did exactly what we thought he would do; he planted himself. It was at that moment, blocked from the view of the congregation full of our friends, that my husband laid down the law. Let's just say my son didn't have much choice in the matter at that point.
Right on cue, the nine of us, in our matching red shirts and happy smiles, well mostly happy smiles, walked down the aisle to present the gifts. The rest of the Mass was a blur.
Don't Wish You Were Someone Else
It wasn't until after Mass that a good friend of mine came up and lamented that she wished her kids would behave as well as mine did. After all, we looked so nice all processing up in our matching clothes - just like the model family.
Let me assure you that after I finished laughing I let her in on the secret of how not-perfect that whole scene had been. Did we pull it off? Yes. No one was screaming or throwing a fit in the middle of the church. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. It never has been and it never will be, no matter how many times we wear matching shirts.
So before you wish that your kids behaved like that other family's kids, or you wish your marriage was as good as that couple's, stop for a minute and think about what you are doing. I can pretty much guarantee you that what you are seeing is not the entire reality.
Even if they have matching outfits and smiles on their faces.